I'm not really sure where to begin but all I know is that I want to share my little life experience. When I was first given the trust and responsibility to take over Puteri Islam Uniform Body (PPIM) from Ustazah Bushro in 2008, I was really lost. First of all, I am not an ustazah, I'm an English teacher. I felt like I was not the right person as I was not equipped with the knowledge to handle the students. For your information, I was a girl guide for 3 years when I was in my lower secondary forms and a Puteri Islam member for 2 years. I can still remember how I attended campfire, sang songs at the top of my voice, took part in marching, making some gadgets, etc when I was a girl guide. It was fun but I ended up choosing Puteri Islam when I was in form 4. The only reason I made the decision to not join Girl Rangers was because I hated my seniors who bullied me (They smeared flour on my face, blindfolded me and forced me to taste "funny" tasting food, and they had all sorts of ridiculous activities for the juniors, without really knowing why they had to do it- that was how I felt about it back then). They just wanted to have fun and I didn't like it.
As a Puteri Islam member later on, all I can remember is that I had to sing Asma ul Husna for every meeting (but I never memorised it) reciting surah al-fatihah (to start the meeting) and reciting al-syarh (alam nashroh) and tasbih kafarah(to end the meeting). I don't remember taking part in any campings, marchings, etc. I think I became a passive member of Puteri Islam. I listened to religious talks on some special occasions (Awal Muharram, Maulidul Rasul, the eve of Ramadhan, etc) but that's it. I had not finished my Quran (khatam) then and I was not fluent in reciting it. I still remember how a classmate of mine, also a puteri islam member, knowing that I was not fluent in my Quran recitation, purposely had written my name as a participant in Tilawah al-Quran Competition (school level) without my knowledge. She purposely did that with the intention to embarrass me in front of everyone. I didn't know before that I had this 'enemy' until I realised how badly she wanted to see me being laughed at. I tried to talk to my ustazah but it was in vain. She just didn't want to listen. My 'enemy' had probably expected me to chicken out and be absent on the day of the competition but I did not. I took part in the competition, an act to show that I'd face my fear. I knew for certain that I didn't sound good but no one dared to say anything, even the ustazah. I received no praises nor criticisms. I was an ordinary average muslim student who received not much attention nor expectations. These are the things that come to my mind when I think of my own experience as a Puteri Islam member in my high school years. Too bad it only portrays my own weaknesses.
I have to admit that as the Head teacher advisor of Puteri Islam I feared the worst, but my late best friend, the school counsellor (who was also an ustazah), Hjh Zauridah Ismail, helped me to overcome my fear. I remember her as being the most helpful friend I could always rely on. She helped me not only by getting her best students to be facilitators for Puteri Islam camps, but also by assessing the Puteri Islam members (when it comes to Quran recitation, doa recitation, etc) and gearing me to conduct the right activities for the Puteri Islam members. In short, she's always there for me whenever I needed her. She will not be reading this but I would like to publicly confess that I really respect and admire her for her courage, inner strength, patience, wisdom and perseverance. She taught me the meaning of 'tawadhuk'- to be humble in situations where you can actually take pride in things you have accomplished. She motivated me to do my Master's degree. She drove me to USM countless times until I became familiar with the routes and could travel on my own. She took me on many adventurous trips and let me experienced things I didn't get the chance to do when I was younger. I can't describe the nature of the ecstatic joy I felt when I was with her. She spiced up my life with the excitement and happiness that she shared so freely with me in her own little ways. Well, anyway by revealing all these it only shows how much I depended on her... I see her as a blessing from Allah, she's a Godsent friend, the one who has impacted my life forever...
My schooling years and the experiences I had in the past might not be the same like the present Puteri Islam students. I'm not embarrassed to admit that there's a lot more for me to learn and practise in order to become a better muslim. What I'm doing now can be seen as something trivial to some, but I see it as a form of jihad. My late best friend always reminded me to help the muslim students to excel in their academics and co-curricular activities. She wanted the Puteri Islam members to be disciplined, strong, tough, resilient, determined, diligent, responsible and patient...She wanted the muslim students to find the balance between dunya and akhirat...
I'll end my writing with this quote:
"Work hard for what you want because it
won't come to you without a fight. You have to be strong and courageous
and know that you can do anything you put your mind to. If somebody puts
you down or criticizes you, just keep on believing in yourself and turn
it into something positive."
